Alyssa was anxious to start a full day of Kindergarten after Labor Day. I was surprised, however, that she found it "boring." She has been asking to go to school full time since she was 3 and now that we're here she's not so enthused.

After school, the Friday after Labor Day, she started sobbing before she even got her seat belt on. She decided that she didn't want to go to school anymore. She wanted to stay home with me.

I remember this happening with Samantha. This half- to full-day school is a huge conflict for a child. And it's not just mine, I've noticed it happening with other kids in her class as well. They're realizing that they're expected to grow up just a bit and that means more freedom from mom and dad. They're conflicted because on one hand they want to be treated as big kids, but on the flip they're afraid of what it means.

Alyssa has been worrying all summer about learning to read. She keeps telling me she doesn't know how to do it--not that I expect her to read yet--and that she won't be able to do it. I keep reassuring her that part of being in Kindergarten is learning to read and that is okay, I am not going to stop reading to her just because she can read. I promised that bedtime stories will continue.

I'm selfish. Sometimes I want nothing more than my two pajama-clad girls on each side with their baby dolls in hand listening to me read aloud. That isn't going away, but reassuring Alyssa is another thing.

So through the gasping sobs that consumed most of my Friday afternoon, she admitted that she misses coming home after school, eating lunch alone with mommy, and playing dress up all afternoon.

For as long as she'll let me I will hold her close and let her be that baby a little longer. It won't be long before she doesn't want me to walk her to class or read her bedtime stories.

Miss Sticky Fingers

It is a really good day around here on school days--chaotic, but wonderful just the same. The days when Alyssa has afternoon preschool are even more chaotic. She spends time at home with Al in the morning, but has trouble with boundaries. In other words, my office door gets locked and she gets dragged away somewhere so I can work in quiet. We'll find that balance soon, but I think it requires a trip to Michael's for craft supply stock first.

This morning Alyssa begged to go to school from the time we got in the car to drop off Samantha. "Mrs. H is waiting for me, Mommy," she repeated. "I know" was the only response I could come up with. Such torture to have afternoon preschool when you want to be there all day, every day.

Alyssa has surprised me. She hasn't shed a tear when I've left and she's always happy and smiling when I pick her up. She did confess that she cried when she went to P.E. with Mrs. C last week. As Mrs. C explained it, "Mrs. H is their mommy at school and so when she leaves they all melt." I got a promise from Alyssa today that she wouldn't cry during P.E.

On Tuesday I picked Alyssa up and threw her backpack on my shoulder. Suddenly my arm was cold and damp. I pulled the backpack off to find a nice fat ball of play dough stuffed in the side pocket.

"Why is there play dough in your backpack Alyssa?"

"Mrs. H said it was for everybody."

Totally not Mrs. H's intention, but classic nonetheless. Alyssa is thinking very literally here. Smart cookie--maybe I'm biased, or at least don't want to think about my 3 year old as a thief.

So this afternoon when I dropped Alyssa off, I told Mrs. H about our little play dough ball that I will return this afternoon. And we'll have another few conversations about what "for everybody" means.

1st Grade and Preschool

Samantha started 1st Grade last week. She had a rough first day--I think it had to do with the guilt over the uneaten sandwich. By day 2 she was eager to go back--as if I was really worried. The first week was homework lite--only one math sheet which she can do in a few minutes. We're finally up to at least 25 minutes. Thank goodness.

I am one of those mothers who thinks that homework should be challenging, even at first grade. Last year, as the end of the school year was near, Samantha's homework was severely inadequate. She was through it so fast I wondered why the teacher even bothered.

This week Samantha received a reading log, much like last year, and is expected to read or be read to 20 minutes each day. She wanted to read me easy books for 20 minutes. Instead I made her take out one of her more challenging books and read to me. Begrudgingly she chose a Baby-Sitters book (earlier years of the Baby-Sitters Club that was popular when I was a preteen). She's read me at least 2 chapters each day. Meany, huh?

Alyssa started preschool today. She had lunch by 10:30 and was dressed by 11. School started at 12. She was so excited she wanted to help Daddy prepare her lunch. She was upset before we left when she discovered that I did not make her a sandwich or a pig-in-a-blanket. She thought she was going to get a second lunch. It took a few minutes to convince her that she wasn't going to be that hungry before she let me zip up the raisin/peanuts and the grapes.

We found her cubby, put her stuff away, and then she turned to me and asked, "Can I go play now?" She was so ready! I told her I was going to leave and go back to work. For about 20 seconds she looked like she was worried and then she asked, "Can I stay and play with Mrs. Higgins?" Once I said yes, she was ready for me to leave.

When I went to pick her up she ran out and said, "I had sooo much fun!"

It really is so much easier with the second one. I had to smile when I saw another mom wiping her tears as she left her baby behind.

It's Monday. The beginning of week 2 of Al's unemployment. He applied for at least one job last week, but there hasn't been much else. It's a little disheartening when you learn that two friends who work in the same industry are having to look out of state for employment. A very good friend of mine is moving his family to Chicago to go work for a competitor. Unfortunately, a move across country isn't feasible or realistic for us. I guess if we were desperate enough we'd have to do it, but we'd be pretty miserable considering most of our family is within a two hour radius.

Al is working at preschool this morning. A task that typically belongs to me, but one in which I am glad to offer. I think it's a good dose of the sacrifices I make each day. While spending 3.5 hours helping at preschool seems like a simple enough task, I think that it's easily forgotten that I must work an extra 3.5 hour a week to compensate. I'm anxious to see how it went. I know Samantha was very excited and probably didn't stop introducing her daddy to everyone.

Our heater seems to have died yesterday. It is colder inside the house than outside. I made a desperate plea to the HVAC folks asking that they come today. I'm hoping it's a fix that can get us through for now. We're trying to save our pennies and we don't really want to throw $3k at a new heater. Once Al has a job it will be priority #1. It's 18 years old and every time it goes on it sounds like a truck hits the house. The sad part is I knew it was coming. I've been secretly whispering to it every morning, "Please, just make it through winter. Pretty please." I didn't tell Al about it because I was afraid to vocalize it fearing that I would kill it. Turns out I didn't have to say it. It was ready to go.