Earlier this week we saw the ENT and ruled out an adenoidectomy--I think. The doctor said Samantha's adenoids were a 2+ and surgery is typically at a 4. He does want her to use a nasal spray for one month to see if that reduces them further. I used that excuse to push out the endoscopy a bit longer.

I'm finding the entire thing a bit overwhelming because there are a lot of things to be checked off in the next few months. I need to mentally prepare for it so I can be the best advocate for Samantha. I don't want to be sitting in the hospital sobbing because I don't have control over my anxiety. These procedures are necessary and will likely change her life for the better.

But first I need some structure: normal dinner times, family time, and my own health managed so that I can care for her. Without structure everything in my head seems to fall apart. And then I resort to crazy things like moving around all the furniture in the house so I can control something.

I once read in a book about Feng Shui how changing 20-30 things can help clear the mind. And it's certainly been true for me for a number of years. I've already switched the kitchen and dining room tables and a handful of other small things that have helped me settle some of this internal anxiety.

I figure that I'll be ready for the endoscopy in a month and by then hopefully Samantha will be so occupied with school that she'll have forgotten she needs to have it done.