Last week I was trying to be an encouraging mother, to advise Samantha on the choreography for the upcoming talent show. Instead it came out like this: you aren't good enough, you'll make a fool out of yourself, you don't know what you are doing. I didn't actually say those words, but my ability to articulate words of encouragement came out off cue. I figured this all out when a defeated look came across Samantha's face and tears trickled silently down her cheeks. At that point, no matter the apologies and hugs, I couldn't fix it. 

She put herself to bed--didn't want me to giver her a kiss or tuck her in. 

How can I be a better mom and not intentionally put my children down but build up their confidence? I want them to be self-confident girls. So many times I wonder if I really know what I am doing raising girls. I struggle daily with trying to figure out how to be a better parent. 

I'm currently on a bumpy path with infinite obstacles and very few successes; I don't know how to navigate this course. 

Last weekend the girls had a ballet assessment to determine if they could move up to the next level. Alyssa we knew was ready to move, but I was on the the fence about Samantha.

The assessment came and Samantha wasn't as polished. She kept looking to the person next to her to see if she was doing it right. It was hard as a parent to watch her knowing that she wasn't feeling confident inside. I've been trying to work with her and let her know that she knows what to do, she just needs to recognize that it's inside her--she doesn't need to look to someone else.

Before this year's recital, I worked on her; reminded her that she needed to show that she was confident and prepared and not watch the dancer next to her. And when we made it to recital, that confidence was apparent and she danced really well.

During that assessment all the uncertainty came back. And when the board with the class list came out and her name wasn't on the Ballet 3 list, she was devastated. She sobbed for two hours and tried to shut herself in her room.

I gently tried to explain that she needed to show that she was confident, that she knew how dance. Inside, I wanted to hold her in my arms and cry too. I was devastated for her--I didn't want her to be so hard on herself, but I needed to be the rock.

So today she started back in her old ballet class with a smile on her face and ready to work on those few things so that she could move up. It'll come . . .