My baby is growing up--Alyssa is out of Kindergarten! Next year she'll be on the big kid playground and sitting at a desk in the main building. She'll be down the hall from her big sis and involved with all the fun stuff at school. How fast the time has passed.


Her graduation was short and cute as they all danced and sang. Their Faith partners joined them for the last song "What a Wonderful World." I thought I had it together--I was certain I wasn't going to get choked up. I have to say it's very difficult taking pictures through tears. Each 6th grader and their Kindergartner opened a poster during a particular verse in the song. It was something they'd created together. It was beautiful.

The week before Alyssa was sad as she told me they were having their last mass of the school year with their Faith partners. She was so worried that she'd never see her partner again. The relief on her face when I told her that her partner would stay with her through her First Holy Communion in 2nd grade.

I am happy that my girls love school so much and love all aspects of their school itself, from their teachers to attending mass with their Faith partners to spending every day with their classmates.

Today was Alyssa's kindergarten graduation (pics to come). It was cute and sweet and of course I got choked up when they sang a song with their Faith Partners. But after the ceremony we were the first family out the door. That didn't hit me until we were halfway home. Are we anti-social?

I dropped Alyssa at the classroom door most days and talked with a few moms on occasion--I was a visual presence at least. But each day I run home after drop off to log in to my computer and begin work. By 8 am there are usually several requests for information or work to be done or meeting preparation to make.

I'm not used to lingering around and conversing with other parents. Maybe it's that I don't allow myself that luxury or the "go-go-go" is so ingrained in my brain that I forgot what it's like to socialize.

Part of me felt guilty afterward, but I can't really pinpoint why. I wonder deep down if it affects the kids when we don't socialize. Do we teach them to isolate themselves, to be anti-social?

Recently I went on a field trip with a class of kindergartners. They were all very excited, of course.

We had a couple of rambunctious ones in our car. Granted they're children and they are easily excitable, but some of the behavior surprised me: from cussing to screaming to emptying juice boxes on the driver's seats.

As we were heading home and I'd finished reprimanding some of our passengers, I sat back and thought about my own kids.

I guess we might be strict, which is laughable to me and my husband. I've come to realize how well behaved our kids are--they're polite and contentious.

As I set their dinner plates at the table and we sat down to eat, I told them just how much I appreciated them and how proud I was of their behavior. I acknowledged that I can sometimes be strict, but that they are good kids.

My kids then launched into a conversation about the third grade class where someone said the "S" and "H" words. Curious, I let my oldest tell her sister what they were: "Shut-up" and "Hell." I laughed a little inside--oh, how innocent they really are.

Alyssa reads

Over summer Alyssa was nervous about entering Kindergarten because she didn't know how to read. I tried unsuccessfully to assure her that she would learn to read in Kinder and no one expected her to read the first day. 

Fast forward to February and the beginning of Dr. Seuss season. She picked up Hop On Pop and realized that she could read it all by herself. Her enthusiasm was contagious and I drove straight to Target after school to the Dr. Seuss book display. She picked up Hop On Pop and opened it up right there and started reading to me. I had to steer her through the aisles while I finished my shopping and she kept on reading. The lady at the check stand kept her page while she scanned the book and Alyssa picked up right where she left off. 

I couldn't stop smiling. There is something beyond magical when a child finally gets it--it's almost like you can see their brains growing those connections. 

Alyssa picked up Green Eggs and Ham one night and read the book to me. She stopped in the middle and said, "I love Dr. Seuss. He helped me learn to read." Indeed he did. 

Alyssa missed her first big Christmas Program this year. She had her tonsils and adenoids out the Monday prior and wound up with a fever the day of. So I sent Samantha off to the Christmas Program with my parents while Al drove straight from work.

Alyssa was upset. She'd worked so hard memorizing her song, "Away in a Manger." Alas, she was too ill to go.


Today is one of my favorite days at Mass: the celebration of The Holy Family. I love the readings and the gospel, and especially the music--all of my favorite Christmas songs in one Mass.

During today's Mass we sang "Away in a Manger." I fought back tears the entire time as Alyssa sang her little heart out and went through all the motions of her missed Christmas Program performance. It was awe-full and lovely. She was so happy and my heart was full.

I'm so disgusted by the grotesque behavior that has been unfolding all over the U.S. for material things, all so stores can break even. It's sad, disturbing, and so depressing to live in a society where this is a common occurrence.

Earlier this week Alyssa and I met with her pediatrician. It was about her tonsils and adenoids, but I thought it also important that we address her ever-present, overwhelming anxiety. Some days she'll stress about how to cut a pumpkin out of paper properly. She won't stop until I agree to walk her to class and help direct her before the bell rings. Other times she'll cry about how she'll have to learn to drive and doesn't know how. She's worried about it now, at 5!

Her doctor assured me it's normal and that it all stems from the separation anxiety she's experiencing in Kindergarten. This transition was hard for Samantha, too, but not nearly this challenging or distressing.

He gave me some guidelines for helping her through each challenge, including finding humor to help her cope. Then he told me something that I had never thought of before. . . . He explained the overwhelming anxiety that we, adults, feel about things in the world, including Black Friday madness, become the fodder of late night TV comedy bits. He said that we have those programs as a way to provide humor about the crazy things in our society. It's the adult way to help ease our minds and allow us to drift off to a pleasant sleep.

I had never thought of it like that before. Interesting food for thought for sure.

Its been a long week, but we made it through with a lot of tears and promises for the future.

Samantha had to say goodbye to two of her classmates (brother and sister twins) as they moved out of state. Samantha and her bestie got to squeeze in two play dates and lots of quality time and I got to enjoy breakfast with their mom one last time.

We bought Samantha's best friend packages of stationery and some pens to write and a framed picture of the two of them on the first day of school this year. I got choked up when Samantha's best friend said, "As soon as my desk is unpacked, this picture is going on it."

Of course Samantha sobbed and asked if she could go with them. Both my kids have been asking when we can move too.

I can't wait to book us a flight to Denver and spend a week playing in Colorado for the summer. I'll miss the twins, but I this last year I was getting to know the twins' mom well. I'm bummed that they moved too, but know that we'll keep in touch.

Some friendships are worth the extra effort and this is one of those.

I've been thinking a lot about "Work-Life Balance," which should be called "Life" balance because there is always work in life.

Like so many parents, I struggle with that life balance, between what is required and what I want. I've been far luckier than a lot of people because I have flexibility in my work schedule where I can be a library helper once a month or drive on the occasional field trip.

I'm still a tired mother. I grumble sometimes and on stressful days I wish I could quit my job, but truthfully I'd miss it tremendously.

I've been trying to step back, outside myself a bit, and think about how I want to live my life, how I want to engage my children. For example, I know it's easier to make pumpkin bread by myself, but they get such joy out of helping and I find little ways to teach my girls things like measuring math skills. And they take such pride in what they've accomplished.

I'm learning to let the dust bunnies sit a extra few days so that I can do a messy Halloween craft with the kids. And I feel better about it. I feel happier with the time I get to spend with them and, more than that, the quality of the time I spend with them.

And I want to them to look at me and feel happy, not resentful or neglected. I want them to know I love them and that they're wonderful, beautiful children.

Al and I have been pushing reading homework a bit more this year as Alyssa's learning to read. We typically let Samantha read her own books and then ask for a synopsis, but her teacher made some excellent points about why we should be more involved: comprehension and correct pronunciation. And this year I made the policy that the book has to be approved by me because Samantha will read the same book over and over again and try to count that in her reading log.

At first she grumbled that she didn't want to read the book I picked, but about the third chapter in she admitted it was a really funny book. She asked if she could read me the remainder of the book.

This week Samantha and I have been reading Treasure Island. Some nights we'll each read a page and the next night it might be that we trade off chapters. I do stop and ask questions when there is subtle figurative language or a deeper meaning. And we're practicing those good 'ol context clues, but she's getting it! We are having a blast reading together and I get to read children's classics that I've never read before. (We're a third of the way through Little House in the Big Woods, too.)

Last night Alyssa picked a book out and asked Daddy to read. The book is a Level 1 or Early Reader. I think it has a whole whopping 5 words in the story--lots of repetition, obviously. Alyssa picked up the book after Al read it once and tried to read herself. And she did. 

The excitement on her face said it all! She read it to me several more times and then excitedly announced that tomorrow she wanted to learn to tie her shoes. 

More than the reading is the bonding--the quiet time set aside to be with each of our children, one on one. 

Samantha's TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone) was too high last month. It always seems to coincide with school. Her brain takes a rest over the summer and just as soon as school starts the brain starts begging for more.  This pattern started around Kindergarten so I know to get a blood test around the first weeks of school. (Thank goodness for standing lab orders.)

Around this same time I charted both kids heights. Alyssa grew almost an inch since the first of May. Samantha did not grow by height or weight in that same time period. The rest of her friends all had growth spurts.

Prior to last month's labs Samantha was on an alternating dose of synthroid. So instead of just jumping to the next, bigger dose I asked the pediatric endocrinologist if we could just go the same, higher dose every day and drop the low, alternating dose. The ped. endo. wasn't sure that that would be enough, but said that we could try that and then retest in a month.

So yesterday, I received the labs and that simple change has leveled her out perfectly. I still need to watch her growth closely and the doctors are expecting that she'll start showing some growth soon.

Looking back, I did notice that she was sleeping a lot more. It's hard to know if it's being tired from school and a new routine or if it's thyroid-related.

In my mind we still aren't out of the woods until she shows some growth. For now, we'll watch and chart. And if I have any inkling that things are off then we'll head back to the lab.

Technology is one of those perplexing dilemmas--on one hand it's changed our lives and on the other I remember life before cell phones and computers. It's the reason I'm in braces from my hands to my elbows and at the same time it's the excitement in my kindergartner's face as she talks about her second computer class.

Alyssa is understanding computers for the first time. She's attempted it a few times but the hand-eye coordination wasn't developed enough to comprehend the intricacies. So she'd retreat to the IPAD. This year it is a regular part of her curriculum, but I have mixed emotions.

Part of the reason we chose to put our girls in private school is because there wasn't funding for so many things in public school: library, PE, technology; not to mention class size, but that is for another post. We were excited when Samantha had computers two days a week--this year third grade is learning to keyboard. Awesome sauce! (as Samantha says).

Coming from an assessment background, the keyboarding thing is a big deal. That will help place my daughter on the right track for the Common Core State Standards technology requirements. On the other hand, when my girls ask for computer time and their swing set becomes a decoration, I worry.

As a child, I spent every minute I could outside. And I try to do the same with my girls. Some days I make them stay outside until I say they can come in. I want them to really play. I want them to use their imaginations and explore.

I understand the importance of technology and I also recognize the pitfalls. I, for one, am so attached to mouse and keyboard for my job that I'm going on a year with severe hand and elbow injuries. I can only write posts when I am feeling good, which isn't often lately.

Technology, for lack of a better word, has taken away my time from my family. I can't go camping. I can't play Legos or color pictures most days. And every night after I put my kids to bed I spend two hours with my arms covered in ice, and then put back on my braces to sleep.


As I listen to Alyssa's excitement about her first experience on the computer, I find myself wishing that  technology wasn't such an important aspect of our lives. I dream of ways to minimize it. And to groans and eye rolling, I keep saying, "No computer today," and wonder how many other parents have the same internal struggle.

Alyssa was anxious to start a full day of Kindergarten after Labor Day. I was surprised, however, that she found it "boring." She has been asking to go to school full time since she was 3 and now that we're here she's not so enthused.

After school, the Friday after Labor Day, she started sobbing before she even got her seat belt on. She decided that she didn't want to go to school anymore. She wanted to stay home with me.

I remember this happening with Samantha. This half- to full-day school is a huge conflict for a child. And it's not just mine, I've noticed it happening with other kids in her class as well. They're realizing that they're expected to grow up just a bit and that means more freedom from mom and dad. They're conflicted because on one hand they want to be treated as big kids, but on the flip they're afraid of what it means.

Alyssa has been worrying all summer about learning to read. She keeps telling me she doesn't know how to do it--not that I expect her to read yet--and that she won't be able to do it. I keep reassuring her that part of being in Kindergarten is learning to read and that is okay, I am not going to stop reading to her just because she can read. I promised that bedtime stories will continue.

I'm selfish. Sometimes I want nothing more than my two pajama-clad girls on each side with their baby dolls in hand listening to me read aloud. That isn't going away, but reassuring Alyssa is another thing.

So through the gasping sobs that consumed most of my Friday afternoon, she admitted that she misses coming home after school, eating lunch alone with mommy, and playing dress up all afternoon.

For as long as she'll let me I will hold her close and let her be that baby a little longer. It won't be long before she doesn't want me to walk her to class or read her bedtime stories.

The first week of school came and went and by that Friday Samantha had brought home the first virus. By Monday Alyssa had it and it hit her like a truck: sinus and ear infection and bronchitis by Wednesday morning. And mommy then started sneezing . . .

I've trained my kids that the Netti pot can be their friend. They've got over the initial shock of putting water in their nose and both have learned how much they can cut down a cold. And I make them do it twice a day. Samantha even begs for a drop of iodine, which acts as an antibacterial. Anything to keep them off antibiotics and get all that goop out of their heads.

Last night, however, after the Netti pot, Samantha's ear clogged up. After a few hours of sleep she woke up crying because the pressure increased in her ear. (The kid has no pain tolerance and errs on the dramatic side.) It was two hours of crying and trying to reason with her. She wanted us to take her to the ER. I gave her ibuprofen and then Tylenol half an hour later for the pain. We tried to get her to stop crying because she was creating so much more mucus. Ugh! It was two hours of torture.

I played the "tough love" part--I told her to go to sleep and stop crying because she was making it worse. I was totally unapologetic about her crying. I have a high pain tolerance and the drama was too much.

After two hours she finally crashed. And this morning when her alarm went off she was fine, tired, but no ear pain.

Playing the "tough love" part can be difficult. I didn't want to discredit her pain, but I also wanted her understand that she was making it worse. If she would try to calm herself she'd find that it would resolve, and it did. Whether or not she realized that maybe "mom, was right" I'll never know.

Can you tell school started? The lack of posts says it all.

The girls started school last week. They had three minimum days and then Samantha went to full time. Alyssa won't go the full day until September. She's ready.
Samantha's teacher was in school for two days to meet the kids, but is on maternity leave now. The kids are happy with their substitute teacher.

Alyssa loves her teacher and her classmates. She's reconnected with a friend from preschool 3s who is now in her kindergarten class. They love to hold hands. (I love the innocence at this age.)

We're trying to get our lives straightened out. And schedules are going to change again in September when Al starts coaching football and the girls resume ballet again.

On the bright side we've been successful at getting out of the house at 7:30 every morning. With new security procedures surrounding drop off and pick up, we have ample time to walk to class before the first bell rings. And Samantha gets 5-10 minutes on the playground.

As we get ready to go back to school for another year one of those inevitable parenting realities has begun to hit me--my oldest will be 18 in ten years and possibly off to college, away from home.

The last 8 years have gone by so fast that I'm sure I'll look back on 18 and wonder how it happened. But in the meantime, I've begun to feel sad about it.

I want my children to grow up, don't get me wrong, but there is part of me that wonders if I'm still missing out on what is in front of me. Am I too busy? Do I pay attention? Should I care less about the other things in life like laundry, home repairs, etc., and more on coloring and barbies?

I suppose some of this is natural, but much of it is coming by the way of self-inflicted guilt. As my kids grow and change, I feel like spending time with them is more important than ever before. When they're toddlers they're happy generally anywhere, doing anything--at least my kids were. And they loved their daycare provider and felt just as happy there as they were at home. But the reality is I am missing them and missing out.

It's not a matter of job before family because I have a normal work schedule, but it's a matter of focusing on them when I'm off the clock. It's about making time for them whether it be dancing in the living room or playing dress-up for hours. It's about making dinners a little less complicated to spend that extra hour playing tag. It's about sitting down and listening to them; really listening and not letting my mind slip into thinking about the dirt on my kitchen floor.

This year, I'm going to try and refocus on my children so that I don't feel I'm missing out. I'll stay and watch them at ballet practice. I'll read to them every night or have them read to me. I'll play tag and we'll eat macaroni and cheese and hot dogs for dinner. But it will be okay, because they'll be happy and so will I.

Easter dresses, etc.

Finally, a day off to do what I want . . . painting and cleaning and organizing. I know, not relaxing for most, but it's my day off. Actually, I have a very real need every few months to clean the mental clutter. I get in these moods where I am not happy and cannot function normally unless I clean up the house or reorganize. Chalk it up to Feng Shui's principles of cleaning the mind--the idea is that you move 27 things around and it helps clear your mind. I have done that my whole life in order to find my peace, but there is really an actual ancient Chinese art to it. Try it some time if you need to clear the mind. It works every time.

~ * ~

Things have been hectic around here. May is always a busy month with Mother's Day, our anniversary (7 years), Samantha's birthday, and the culmination of school. This year it started in April with Easter and a trip to Grandma's and Big Papa's house for Easter Break. My mom and I drove down to AZ with the girls and had a wonderful time. Samantha cried when it was time to come home and again when she woke up in her bed the next day. She can't wait to go back. This is the first time Alyssa will remember going and she can't wait to go back either. I love that my girls love to be with their great-grandparents!!

When we got back from AZ and school started again, Samantha started ballet. She's going to be in the recital in June, so there are extra practices this month. She's been quite sore, but absolutely loves it. My mom and I are working on her Jack-in-the-Box costume and once we have pictures we'll post.

With Samantha becoming more serious about reading Al and I decided that Samantha needed a desk. So we've been looking around. I can't believe that for a new (non-particleboard desk) we'd have to pay about $600. So we decided to shop around garage sales, etc. But other day I got on Craigslist--mind you, I've never bought or looked for anything on Craigslist before--and I found the cutest little girl's desk with bookcase and chair for $50. We picked it up on Monday. It needs to be refinished and I can't wait to do that, but I'm trying to decide what I'm going to do it.

Samantha loves to sit there each day and do her homework, draw, and read her books.

~*~

I've been sewing a lot too. I enjoy going sewing with my mom two nights a week. I made Alyssa's Easter dress and my Mom made Samantha's. The girls were so excited about their dresses . . . they looked so cute. I bought the green eyelet remnant and wanted a pinafore for Alyssa's dress so I found a pattern that centered around that. Samantha asked for purple polka dots and we decided on an apron to soften it and match Alyssa's. Samantha can take the apron on or off.



~*~



Al and I are almost done with our bathroom. Hopefully next post will show our final results. It's so pretty.