Samantha had her 8-year well visit check today. I sat in the waiting room beforehand filling out the general "well-visit" questionnaire, for lack of a better term. I was checking off the discussion points I'd like to have with the doctor:

• anger
• behavior
• development
• sibling issues

I'm sure you can see the pattern. I realize kids fight and siblings get in each other's face--I was the older kid, too. I just don't remember spewing so much venom and hate--maybe it's because we were the opposite sex. I can feel Alyssa's hurt and it bothers me. 

Just yesterday Samantha mumbled that she wished she was an only child. My issue was that Alyssa simply climbed into the car for school, unprovoked. And it's like this most days. I'm sure it's all normal, but my parenting brain is telling me to find a way to calm Samantha, to guide her in the right direction. 

When we were in the exam room the doctor came in and talked about what makes Samantha happy and what makes her angry. And instead of looking away, Samantha looked him in the eye and told him about how she gets angry and how sissy doesn't give her space. And the doctor talked about negotiating with Alyssa rather than just slamming a door in her face. They had a hypothetical conversation about how Samantha could say, please give me some space now and in an hour I'll color with you. He asked her how she'd fell if the tables were turned. 

I sat back the entire conversation and said nothing. I watched Samantha, suddenly very grown up, discussing her feelings and emotions with the doctor. And she understood what he was saying and later told me that she'd give his methods a shot. 

I came out feeling very encouraged and amazed at this child sitting across from me. Lately all the frustration with sibling rivalry and dealing with hurt feelings has been overwhelming and consuming. I've failed to see this child in front of me growing and changing, trying to keep up with the changes inside her and around her. 

Today, thanks to our wonderful and encouraging doctor, I was able to take a breath, step back and see this amazing child I helped create. She's thoughtful, curious, and very articulate. And I'm so proud of my Bug.

Yesterday my brother and my sister-in-law took Samantha to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Kevin has been waiting for a day like this since they day she was born.

Samantha was just tall enough to ride most of the rides and was up for everything: upside-down rides included. (Yuck!) It was a perfectly sunny day--not too hot and not cold.

Kevin and Tara sent me pictures throughout the afternoon showing how much fun they were having.

The Log Ride

I told them both that they were in the midst of "the best day ever." And sure enough Samantha leaned over to Kevin at one point and told him "Best Day Ever, Uncle Nono."

They spent several hours on nearly every ride and then some. A couple of Boardwalk meals later they decide to go eat dinner at the wharf before the ride home.

Tired girl

Samantha wasn't up for much conversation at that point and soon after they were finished and in the car they found her sound asleep.

When they finally got home Kevin confessed, "I don't know how you do it. One kid is exhausting enough, but two?!"

I'm glad he appreciates me as a mom and not just as a sister. And it was nice to see him get a full dose of "kid" for the day. He and Tara were worn out, but had a lot of fun.

Best Day Ever!  Thanks for Kevin and Tara giving Samantha memories to cherish for a lifetime!

Sometimes I don't say "no." I just don't say anything at all.

After our busy theatrical weekends and early Sunday shows, we get Sunday evenings to relax and enjoy dinner as a family. To say this hasn't taken a toll on Alyssa would be a lie. Kids, as we know, are resilient. Two weeks ago Alyssa sobbed in the middle in the of Mass wanting to go home to daddy. And this week, she wanted nothing more than a good 'ol wrestling match and time with her sissy.

We don't, as a general rule, let the kids play on our bed. All of our bedding is white simply out of necessity. (I change the color of anything cotton--I think I figured out that my body absorbs blue dye.) But we let the girls wrestle on our bed for an hour. We had all the sliding doors open so we could hear their giggling from the kitchen. They were so happy. I didn't want to say "no" to that. We eventually had to break it up for bed time, but those are the things I love to let go of for the simple reason that the kids are happy. They both needed that.


Someone else is also needing a little one-on-one with all the chaos. Ginger likes it when the kids are in bed and she can just cuddle next to me. She fell asleep, snoring while I wound down after our weekend. She's been misbehaving a lot to the point where I have to mute the phone or ask to put someone on hold while I work to deal with the mayhem in the house. Just like kids, cats need undivided attention too. ;)

In sickness and in health

It is so painful to watch a child suffer when all I can do is offer a bucket. 

Alyssa has been sick with a stomach virus for 5 days thus far. Friday was pretty scary as she was dehydrated and lethargic. Thankfully our pediatrician gave us World Heath Organization Rehydrating Salt packets to add into juice/water. They took us over that hump and kept us out of the hospital.

While she is still sick, she is slowly getting better, but not over the vomiting. 

It's hard to watch your child helplessly. For all the grumbling we do when they are loud and talk to much, we miss it when they aren't their usual bouncy selves. And then there is the sibling to consider. 

Typically Samantha is the one who ends up with serious medical issues and Alyssa is often left feeling like she needs attention. This time the tables are turned and Samantha is able to vocalize how she feels. 

Yesterday, Samantha broke down and begged to be alone with me for just a little while--to have my undivided attention. So we went to Target. Not the ideal 1 on 1 but we still weren't sure how Alyssa was doing. I felt so bad for Samantha. I know how neglected she must feel and someday she'll have to balance being a mom and dealing with a sick child. But for now, I'll do what I can to help her from feeling sad and neglected. 

1st Grade and Preschool

Samantha started 1st Grade last week. She had a rough first day--I think it had to do with the guilt over the uneaten sandwich. By day 2 she was eager to go back--as if I was really worried. The first week was homework lite--only one math sheet which she can do in a few minutes. We're finally up to at least 25 minutes. Thank goodness.

I am one of those mothers who thinks that homework should be challenging, even at first grade. Last year, as the end of the school year was near, Samantha's homework was severely inadequate. She was through it so fast I wondered why the teacher even bothered.

This week Samantha received a reading log, much like last year, and is expected to read or be read to 20 minutes each day. She wanted to read me easy books for 20 minutes. Instead I made her take out one of her more challenging books and read to me. Begrudgingly she chose a Baby-Sitters book (earlier years of the Baby-Sitters Club that was popular when I was a preteen). She's read me at least 2 chapters each day. Meany, huh?

Alyssa started preschool today. She had lunch by 10:30 and was dressed by 11. School started at 12. She was so excited she wanted to help Daddy prepare her lunch. She was upset before we left when she discovered that I did not make her a sandwich or a pig-in-a-blanket. She thought she was going to get a second lunch. It took a few minutes to convince her that she wasn't going to be that hungry before she let me zip up the raisin/peanuts and the grapes.

We found her cubby, put her stuff away, and then she turned to me and asked, "Can I go play now?" She was so ready! I told her I was going to leave and go back to work. For about 20 seconds she looked like she was worried and then she asked, "Can I stay and play with Mrs. Higgins?" Once I said yes, she was ready for me to leave.

When I went to pick her up she ran out and said, "I had sooo much fun!"

It really is so much easier with the second one. I had to smile when I saw another mom wiping her tears as she left her baby behind.