My Ballerina

We've been "shopping around" for some extracurricular activity for Samantha. She's talked about dance because her friends are there but loves to jump and is equally enticed by gymnastics. So I took the gymnastics plunge first thinking that she would be too uncoordinated for ballet. Does that sound mean?

Samantha is a very vivacious child, but has never been particularly coordinated. She walks around with a book attached to her nose these days and is just learning to catch a ball. I have to admit it the sports thing I just don't quite understand. I may be accident prone, but I was fearless and always doing cartwheels and jumping rope at her age.

So she tried out gymnastics this week and I was in hysterics. I was glad my mom didn't come because we would have had to excuse ourselves from the grounds for incessant giggling. Samantha is sooo uncoordinated. But she tried and was happy about it, which is what really matters. The next day, however, she was sporting a sore ankle. Hmm. I don't think so.

Today we tried out ballet--both girls got to try a class. Alyssa lasted about 15 minutes until they closed the door and she didn't see me, then she cried the rest of the routine. They finally just gave up and handed her to me. Maybe after preschool we'll try again. And so we stood and watched Samantha and I was amazed.
She is a natural. She pointed her toes like was supposed to, ran like she was supposed to, and while her plié needs some work, she surprised even me. So she's found her niche and I'm finally satisfied. While she may never throw a softball or dribble correctly, she's found what she's good at and I couldn't be prouder.   :)

A first

I've finally started going to the gym on a regular basis. I am not fighting it as much as I have before. Since money is such a precious commodity these days I figure I better make every dollar count. I've seen improvement in my abs for sure. While they are not rock hard by any means, they're starting to hold in the ol' post-natal gut a bit better.

This week I started the South Beach diet. I've never dieted in my life, but I figure I need to jump-start my system. I had started to eat whatever I felt like and didn't exercise in the last year. It all seems to have coincided with Al's unemployment. While the scale hasn't shown any deduction in weight, I've noticed a tighter core. Let's hope week 2 gives me some better results.

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In other news, Alyssa is fully potty trained; she's finally in the 25th Percentile; and we've signed up her for preschool at Sacred Heart. She can't wait until she can go to school.

Samantha is a copy of her mother--she's a voracious reader. I introduced her to a series about a kindergartner named Junie B. Jones and she's already read 3 in the series. The books are about 60-70 pages and broken up by chapters. I bought Samantha her first one and she finished it in three hours. We found some more at the library so we've been checking out 2-3 every two weeks. I love that she is so hungry for the written word--finally someone in the house as insane about reading as I am.

I Did It! and other musings

I joined the gym and worked out on Monday. I woke up in the middle of the night in so much pain that it hurt to turn over. Ha! I killed my abs because they still have the features of woman who's 20 weeks along. I want results yesterday! So every time I moved today I had to fight back a moan. Oh well. It's worth it, right?


Tomorrow is my Sweet Pea's third birthday. I truly can't believe it. I was showing her pictures from 30 seconds after she was born til today--she kept asking who the baby was until she saw her lovey. She's getting taller and just exploding in some new way everyday. And we're potty trained!!

But it doesn't just happen with Alyssa--I see Samantha changing to so much too. She's gone from reading a few sight words to some harder books. She's sucking it all up and I love sitting down with her every day listening to her read.


We've signed Alyssa up for preschool at Sacred Heart. We've got some major problems in the public school district and wait lists now to get into Sacred Heart so we wanted to get her in now so we'd secure her a spot. We're fortunate enough to be able to pay the tuition, but I constantly think about those families who want a better education for their kids but can't afford it. It's sad that we have to buy our children's education.

Kevin (my brother) is in Indonesia right now. He said that only those who can pay for it get educated in Indonesia. Those who can't don't get any schooling, government or otherwise. It makes me feel fortunate in one way, but then I get upset thinking how the state and federal government are failing our kids and our future.

Al and I didn't start out thinking about private education--we both work in public education and with federal/state curriculum, we expect what the government should provide--but in this economy it all falls short.

Post Number 100

I decided that for Lent I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself. And so far it's been 4 days and I am moping worse then ever. I have never been this heavy and I hate it. I was so skinny after Samantha, but I think I had a thyroid storm when she was about 6 months old--I was 105 pounds. Then came Alyssa an early delivery because she was so small. I think I was depressed before she was even born--worrying about whether or not she'd survive. So along with the antidepressants and migraine meds came 20 pounds in two years. It is a side effect of the medication to crave sweets, which are not typically my favorite. And then in the last three plus months I've been working long hours and weekends, sitting for up to 16 hours a day, and have added another five pounds to that total.

I used to be so fit, playing basketball every chance I got or just doing something active. Now I completely hate it. I have no motivation and even though we have all the necessary equipment in the garage I feel like I'm trapped in a broom closet. I can't stand to look at myself and I'm finding myself dreading the end of winter because I can no longer hide behind the heavy coats and bulky sweaters. It's enough to make me want to stay in bed and hide from the world.

I am thinking (see still no motivation) of getting a gym membership so that I have to make a commitment financially and don't want to waste money, but I still haven't got around to it. Don't know what to do about it, but it seems like I need to do something so that my kids don't think I'm lazy. I figure that if I'm fit and happy then that translates into a better mommy. Who knows maybe I'll go down and choke up the membership tomorrow.

Third time is the charm

I've been MIA: drowning in work and too tired to do much of anything. Things have finally calmed down and I'm resuming life. It's taking me a while.

For the third time, we attempted to potty train Alyssa and we were finally successful. She's been such a big girl and we couldn't be prouder. She's grown leaps and bounds in the last couple of months--she started to get embarrassed at daycare when she was getting her diaper changed in front of the other other kids. I think that and the fact that we've been talking about preschool had a lot to do with her readiness. She also sat me down (yes, she's almost three) and bargained with me: "I go potty. I want a Barbie from Target." I agreed. Heck if she can bargain that well at 2.11 years then I can surely indulge. So today we went down to Target and bought a Barbie of her choice. She was so excited and radiant with joy that everyone around her was smiling.

We also found out that Alyssa will do anything for chocolate. So for #1 she gets a few M&Ms or M.O.Ms as she calls them. :)

I can say that I'll be glad when diapers are gone. Potty training can be so stressful. This third attempt was definitely easier. I just had to let go of any emotion. Alyssa did scream and yell at me for at least 30 minutes on Saturday because she was scared of #2 in the potty. I just let her yell and be mad a me and when she was ready she cuddled with me. She had a nice sore throat afterward, but she needed to get it out of her system. When I wouldn't budge she moved on and today she was ready without any hesitation, hence the Barbie.

She wants to go see her Great-Grandma tomorrow to tell her she went potty. I wish it were that easy, but it's 9 hours away. So Grandma, Alyssa can't wait to see you and tell you about her "accomplishment."   :)

One child lighter

Tonight Samantha gets to go stay at my parents house. And I'm totally excited. Will she miss us? Maybe, but she'll get spoiled by Papa and Gammy. She'll milk them for ice cream, Mickey D's, and whatever else she can.

Is Alyssa jealous? Heck, no. She really can't understand the concept of spending the night away from home yet. She's just thinking about the undivided attention she'll get from Mommy and Daddy. And I'm thinking about all the snuggling I'll get in.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but sometimes I worry about how much less undivided attention Alyssa gets being the second child. Take for instance yesterday--Samantha got to spend a few hours with Papa learning to ride her bike without a training wheel. Alyssa did not want me to go get Samantha. She wanted me all to herself. I can't blame her. I want her all to myself sometimes too. Just like I want Samantha all to myself.

So today I took Alyssa while I got the car washed. We walked to the pet store and stared at puppies. Two of them just bounded over when they heard her voice. "A child, a child. I wanna play."

I can't wait for tomorrow morning, when I don't have to be at the beck and call of two kids, but I get to show Alyssa what it is like to be a true princess for a day.

The D Word

Two days last week Samantha's teacher told us she was worried about Samantha. She was falling asleep in class and not completing her work. Mind you, the child is just like me--complete nerd, so this is really out of character for her. The teacher is well aware of the missing thyroid because I count on an extra set of eyes when things start to go awry.

So when Friday rolled around, I got a call from the school that Samantha was falling asleep on the bench at lunch and didn't want to play. The multi-tasker in me had the pediatrician's office on the line before I even got out of the driveway. After a stat order and an A-okay on the blood test (thyroid/brain function normal), Al and I started to analyze things to see if we could narrow down a culprit. Was it the fear stemming from the earthquake swarms? Was it her food intake?

Well the latter fit best. Samantha is a pasta and meat kid. She hates vegetables and fruit, and really I could go on and on. But after the stat order request the doctor wanted to physically observe her, check weight and height since last visit--all indicators of hypothyroid. Everything was in the clear and then the big bomb came.

Depression.

I assured him that we have been observing her--carefully. We notice when she gets sad and upset or worried. His main concern was how she is handling the aftermath of Al's heart surgery. And he was not far off the mark.

Last week I went into work. Al took Samantha to school, but I was at home when she left. The stress came when I wasn't at home when school was over. We adults might think it unnecessary or irrational, but for her it is totally plausible. Daddy kissed her goodbye and four hours later he was whisked off in a helicopter and away from home for a week.

She saw me collapse into sobs at the dinner table and there were a few nights when I didn't get home until after she was in bed. The possibility of Daddy never coming home, never giving her kisses again was real. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to be 5 and know that there was a good possibility my daddy might never come home.

Overall, Samantha seems to be coping the best she can. She is a wreck when one of us is hurt or not feeling well. We know why and while her fear will never totally go away, she'll learn to cope.

Hopefully.