Al and I agreed to be part of this year's Nutcracker cast.

Why?

Al got the theatre bug.

Friday night we had our first practice. It was funny and fun. Most of us are a bunch of out-of-shape adults, but we laughed hysterically and got some exercise.

I'm not nervous about doing it, but I'm embarrassed. I don't like to be in front of a large group of people in general so this will be interesting. And I'm definitely out of my element as far as the acting thing goes. When the instructor started talking about quarter stage and I just stood there with a blank stare pretending I knew what she was talking about.

I can handle the dancing part. It's fun, but pretending for the audience is going to be challenging for me.

The main thing is that our kids are excited that we're taking part and get to be on stage with both of them.

Sometimes I don't say "no." I just don't say anything at all.

After our busy theatrical weekends and early Sunday shows, we get Sunday evenings to relax and enjoy dinner as a family. To say this hasn't taken a toll on Alyssa would be a lie. Kids, as we know, are resilient. Two weeks ago Alyssa sobbed in the middle in the of Mass wanting to go home to daddy. And this week, she wanted nothing more than a good 'ol wrestling match and time with her sissy.

We don't, as a general rule, let the kids play on our bed. All of our bedding is white simply out of necessity. (I change the color of anything cotton--I think I figured out that my body absorbs blue dye.) But we let the girls wrestle on our bed for an hour. We had all the sliding doors open so we could hear their giggling from the kitchen. They were so happy. I didn't want to say "no" to that. We eventually had to break it up for bed time, but those are the things I love to let go of for the simple reason that the kids are happy. They both needed that.


Someone else is also needing a little one-on-one with all the chaos. Ginger likes it when the kids are in bed and she can just cuddle next to me. She fell asleep, snoring while I wound down after our weekend. She's been misbehaving a lot to the point where I have to mute the phone or ask to put someone on hold while I work to deal with the mayhem in the house. Just like kids, cats need undivided attention too. ;)

We saw Shrek the Musical again today with my parents and my brother and sister-in-law who came down from San Francisco to watch. (Thank you to my supportive family!). As were watching the show and laughing at my husband, my brother leaned over and said, "I don't think this is the last time Al will be on stage."

I'm sure it's not. And I've been struggling with it. It's been a lot for me to handle having both Al and Samantha in the musical. Monday through Thursday nights they were gone most of three months. Sure, I didn't know what to expect and I really stressed about keeping Samantha healthy, but some days it was so difficult for me. I'm not sure if it was my own health issues or just worry/stress, but I haven't had the easiest time.

For one, almost our entire summer went out the window. We haven't had a vacation day together all summer and school starts in less than 4 weeks. And right into Nutcracker and ballet and school fundraisers, and footballs season (Al coaches). That last sentence doesn't so much matter, but the no summer time off together has really bothered me this year.

I feel a shift, not with life in general, but within me. Maybe it's my health, maybe it's my girls growing up, maybe it has to be the mirror in front of me that I put there, but I've really been struggling this summer to reorient myself in my family. I feel like it's all moving too fast, like I'm not present enough in my girls' lives, like I want to be a better wife. And for those who know me well know that that the last bit about being "a better wife" is the key. It's not that my feminism is gone, but that it's shifting.

I want to watch my girls play mom without watching them focusing on mom-work. I'd rather watch them play as doting mothers and wives. Craziness, isn't it?!

And so today, when my brother said that Al wasn't finished with the stage, he was right. And after 11 years in this small town he's making life-long friends, meeting people, and finally feels like this town is his home. And I want him to feel that, I want him to be happy here with us and have a passion.

And maybe it's time for me to be the doting wife and mother. My job isn't going away, but it doesn't need to define me. I want to play silly with my girls, make an amazing dinner for my family, and spend more time alone with my husband.

Shrek the Musical went really well this weekend. Alyssa and I handed out programs on Saturday night and Sunday morning. We watched Saturday night, although I was surprised Alyssa managed to stay up until 10.

The show was a hoot. It was so energetic the entire 2.5 hours that it kept Alyssa engaged the whole time. The young lady who plays Donkey was so good that she out shined Shrek a bit.

Al was funny as Thelonius. He played two other parts as well, but I liked his Thelonius personality best. And Samantha was so cute as Little Bo Peep.

After the first show the director told Samantha that she was great and should keep it up and next time she'll get a bigger part. Samantha was a bit confused as to why the director told her that. She didn't think she was doing anything different. But I saw what the director saw . . . Samantha danced and sang her heart out during her ensemble parts. I think something changes in Samantha when there is an audience in front of her.

The ladies who sat in front of us on Saturday night noticed Samantha too. Out of all the kids in the ensemble cast she was a standout for her enthusiasm. And on Saturday night, after Alyssa and I had gone home, a lady came up to Samantha and said that she loved Samantha's enthusiasm. The lady gave her three flowers. She felt so special.

Confession of a telecommuter

I'm glad that Samantha is getting the theatre experience. She's been wanting to do this since she was five or six, but was never old enough to audition. And despite what Al tells you, he is really enjoying it too. He's met a lot of new people and, in some ways, finally feels like he's part of this community, which is hard to do when you work out of town.

And while I'm enjoying the break from having to rush Samantha here or there for rehearsals (ballet and the like), getting dinner ready immediately after I shut down my work computer is wearing. Not to mention that most days I don't get much, if any, adult interaction. It's one of those things about working from home/telecommuting that people don't talk about. I sit at a desk, type emails, have a few conference calls, and when the day is done, I shut the computer off and walk into the kitchen. We have a whole 30 minutes with each other to eat dinner and off they go to the theatre for the night.

When they get home they both go straight to bed and I'm left with a lot of voiceless conversation in my head.

Take tonight for instance, or is it morning? Samantha and Al came home at 11. Samantha changed, brushed her teeth, and climbed into bed. She was out within seconds. And Al did about the same. I lay next to him wide awake with a lot to say and no one to listen.

I'll be very happy when the musical is over. We'll have three weeks before schools starts and hopefully we can remain unscheduled and relaxed and maybe catch up on the three months of missed conversation.

One of those days

Today was one of those crazy Mondays where everything goes wrong. Both kids had doctor's appointments an hour apart in the morning so there was that. We ran out of cereal and I spilled coffee down my freshly-dressed self, thankfully not before the first doctor's appointment.

I wasn't able to officially start working until after appt. 2, but there were no emergency meetings scheduled so I guess that was the bright spot.

After lunch things settled and the kids played and fought and then had alone time for a while.

~

(This week is "heck" week for Shrek, so Samantha and Al have to be at the theatre at 5 like a regular night and then rehearse from 7 to whenever/done. They'll do this until opening night, which is Friday at 7. )

Today it felt overwhelming because Al was tired and I was burnt out. I didn't think it necessary to stand around the theatre for an hour so I did their makeup at home. (It's so weird to put makeup on your husband.) I sent them off at 5:50. They didn't get home until 11. Boo!

Ginger

While they were gone, after Alyssa was in bed, I thought I'd do my nails. They were almost dry when I heard a crash and went to explore. I had left the office closet open and the wire shelving exposed. I found Ginger mewing and hanging by her left paw from one of the wire shelves. She was in so much pain she was screaming and I had the hardest time getting her unstuck. I pried the wire back and got her out. My manicure was ruined--oh well.

Ginger lay on my lap for nearly an hour. I did make her walk a bit when she got up. She was ok, but still couldn't put to much weight on it. It was clearly swollen, however. Not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I have a hunch I'll be spending some more time at the doctor's.

Parenting

Never doubt the lengths a parent will go through to make his child feel accepted, loved, secure, and confident. 

Last weekend I finally made good on my mom's birthday present: a painting workshop using Annie Sloan chalk paints at Loot in Soquel. We could not have asked for a better day--it was 75 in Soquel! It ended up just the two of us with the instructor and we got to play with paint. It was the perfect day to spend, pre-Mother's Day, together doing something we both enjoy. 

While we were there my phone beeped with a picture of my daughter, with a numbered sticker on her chest. So Al had something up his sleeve, eh?! As it turns out, Al had been conversing with the producer about allowing Samantha to watch the audition process so she'd understand what to do next time. As they were leaving, Al thanked the producer and Samantha blurted, "My dad would make a great Shrek! He looks just like him." Next thing you know Al and Samantha have numbered stickers on their chests. 

They both sang and Al read some lines from Shrek the Musical. That night they got a call--they both got parts. Al is Lord Farquad's henchman, Thelonius, and Samantha is Little Bo Peep.

In my opinion, this is the best mother's day gift I've received yet: my husband, taking this step with Samantha, giving her the confidence to audition. She's wanted to do this for so long, but shies up when the time comes around. She's such a social butterfly! 

The next three months will be busy with rehearsals 4 days a week, but Alyssa and I are ready to take on the early dinners together to help them on their way. 

I'm so proud of my Thelonius and Little Bo Peep!