Life got in the way

I took a three-year, unintentional break. Life got busy and Samantha hit 4th grade. And so here were are in 2017--Alyssa is heading into 4th grade and Samantha 7th.

In the last three years, Al has transitioned to a job he loves, working for a local elementary school. McGraw-Hill sold CTB in 2015. I spent the first year struggling with the unknown. I was one of the few "long-term" layoffs, which meant the new company could lay me off at any time or could decide to hire me. I spent the first six months turning my depression and anxiety into work. I learned how to be patient at I updated our crappy builder-grade kitchen from this into this.

Original cabinets and counter

Painted cabinets, new quartz, tile backsplash

In the last three years, Samantha has learned to play the flute. She's a natural with just about any instrument. In fact, she spent the last week playing about 10 hours of flute for fun. We had to tell her to give her mouth a break.  She stopped dancing last year, but played basketball with her 6th grade class. She also joined the inaugural robotics team at SHPS as the only girl. She loved it.

Harlequin dolls (Alyssa on right)

Alyssa is still dancing and has advanced two ballet levels in the last three years. She's got her eye on a pair of pointe shoes. She danced the Nutcracker in 2016 and had a prized role as a harlequin doll. Recently she's taken up the violin. 

I am now content with my new role with DRC, the company who bought CTB. I am working with a few folks that I've known for over 8 years, which makes things a bit easier. In August I'll be marking my 18th year in educational assessment. Yikes, I'm old!

I am so grateful for my husband! I have to be on site at work for two weeks, but those darn fluorescent lights kill me. I've barely avoided a migraine all week, but today I was hit hard. I sat in a conference room with my head in my lap, rubbing the back of my neck. I tried so hard to beat it.

I finally gave in and drove home--I was so sleepy from the migraine meds, but made it home safely.

I walked in the door, kicked off my shoes, said three words to my family, and climbed into bed.

Al didn't complain. He made sure things were as quiet as they could be. He prepared dinner and got it in the oven and the kids ready for nutcracker rehearsal.

He had plans to go out and watch a play, but was willing to take a rain check if I needed it.

I felt much better after my nap and he was able to go see the play and support our local theatre.

I'm a lucky girl.

Technology is one of those perplexing dilemmas--on one hand it's changed our lives and on the other I remember life before cell phones and computers. It's the reason I'm in braces from my hands to my elbows and at the same time it's the excitement in my kindergartner's face as she talks about her second computer class.

Alyssa is understanding computers for the first time. She's attempted it a few times but the hand-eye coordination wasn't developed enough to comprehend the intricacies. So she'd retreat to the IPAD. This year it is a regular part of her curriculum, but I have mixed emotions.

Part of the reason we chose to put our girls in private school is because there wasn't funding for so many things in public school: library, PE, technology; not to mention class size, but that is for another post. We were excited when Samantha had computers two days a week--this year third grade is learning to keyboard. Awesome sauce! (as Samantha says).

Coming from an assessment background, the keyboarding thing is a big deal. That will help place my daughter on the right track for the Common Core State Standards technology requirements. On the other hand, when my girls ask for computer time and their swing set becomes a decoration, I worry.

As a child, I spent every minute I could outside. And I try to do the same with my girls. Some days I make them stay outside until I say they can come in. I want them to really play. I want them to use their imaginations and explore.

I understand the importance of technology and I also recognize the pitfalls. I, for one, am so attached to mouse and keyboard for my job that I'm going on a year with severe hand and elbow injuries. I can only write posts when I am feeling good, which isn't often lately.

Technology, for lack of a better word, has taken away my time from my family. I can't go camping. I can't play Legos or color pictures most days. And every night after I put my kids to bed I spend two hours with my arms covered in ice, and then put back on my braces to sleep.


As I listen to Alyssa's excitement about her first experience on the computer, I find myself wishing that  technology wasn't such an important aspect of our lives. I dream of ways to minimize it. And to groans and eye rolling, I keep saying, "No computer today," and wonder how many other parents have the same internal struggle.

I've come to the point where my office is going to kill me with paper. I have so much work paper and home/school stuff that is piled all around my office. I've even run out of filing space in a large 4-drawer filing cabinet!

This weekend we gave my mom and dad a nightstand that we had in the office. And just taking that out, all of the crap ended up in piles on my floor. And where there is a pile there are spiders. It's probably because they go undisturbed for long stretches.

I started to clear a work drawer out of my file cabinet so that Al could take the stuff to shred at work  He was not happy as it produced 6 brown paper bags of files. Yup. I'm a work-pack-rat. But I need the space for personal files.

Part of this started with the nightstand and the other trigger was the bill I received from a radiologist for a procedure Samantha had in 2009. Yes, you read that correctly, 2009. Four years later I get a bill. I've got to go through mountains of medical bills in her folder to find any related information.

I have not been good about filing things in order. And for Samantha's file, I should. She's got enough medical history to fill two file folders in the cabinet.

So when I get a few minutes here or there I do something small, which is easier for me to manage. After four days, I was even able to eliminate the box of personal shredding stuff--it went back a year!

Confession of a telecommuter

I'm glad that Samantha is getting the theatre experience. She's been wanting to do this since she was five or six, but was never old enough to audition. And despite what Al tells you, he is really enjoying it too. He's met a lot of new people and, in some ways, finally feels like he's part of this community, which is hard to do when you work out of town.

And while I'm enjoying the break from having to rush Samantha here or there for rehearsals (ballet and the like), getting dinner ready immediately after I shut down my work computer is wearing. Not to mention that most days I don't get much, if any, adult interaction. It's one of those things about working from home/telecommuting that people don't talk about. I sit at a desk, type emails, have a few conference calls, and when the day is done, I shut the computer off and walk into the kitchen. We have a whole 30 minutes with each other to eat dinner and off they go to the theatre for the night.

When they get home they both go straight to bed and I'm left with a lot of voiceless conversation in my head.

Take tonight for instance, or is it morning? Samantha and Al came home at 11. Samantha changed, brushed her teeth, and climbed into bed. She was out within seconds. And Al did about the same. I lay next to him wide awake with a lot to say and no one to listen.

I'll be very happy when the musical is over. We'll have three weeks before schools starts and hopefully we can remain unscheduled and relaxed and maybe catch up on the three months of missed conversation.