I took vacation this week because the girls have Thanksgiving break. I wasn't prepared for it because I didn't read through the school calendar. It's still hanging on October! Thankfully, I had some vacation left over. It's challenging to work at home when the kids are fighting in the other rooms.

We haven't done much this week, which has been nice, although the kids are often bored. The girls have been helping me prepare some dishes for Thanksgiving and some of our "Harvey meals."

I'm anticipating that there will be quite a few occasions when I'm too tired, exhausted, or emotionally overwhelmed with my partial-week single-parent life. So I've planned to make several meals this week and freeze them. From meatloaf to carnitas to curried veggies and chicken, I'm preparing for more than a few weeks of sanity helpers.

We even put up the Christmas tree and got out the more challenging or time-consuming decorations. I knew that we would be too busy, and I've already stopped feeling guilty about putting it up before Thanksgiving. This year, it was a necessity. I didn't want to feel rushed or overwhelmed.

Next week Al stats a new job and Harvey rehearsals on the same day. We're also trying to get out last appointments in before the end of the year so that they hit this year's deductible. And I finally get to see an Orthopedist in two weeks. I am anxious to determine the next steps--to get me out of this pain funk and on the road to healing. I really miss painting. For now, we'll take this last week--the calm before the storm--and be grateful for the quiet and lazy days together.

This time of year is so exhausting for me and it's not even Thanksgiving. Not in a bad way, however, just a "full life" kind of way.

This is our third year involved in The Nutcracker. The last two years I helped with costumes, but with hand/arm issues, I am unable to be of much help. So Al and I volunteered to dance the opening scene. It's not my cup of tea but I keep reminding myself that I'm doing this for the girls. Even if we only do it this once, they'll always remember the time when all four of us played together on-stage.

Truthfully the dancing and the cast has been fun, but I tend to get embarrassed and giggle like a kid. I guess that is good because it'll look like I'm smiling for the audience instead of being embarrassed. I don't like talking/being in front of large groups of people.

Now, Al on the other hand . . . Al has finally found his outlet. After 14 years of "us," hoping that Al would find something to be passionate about, he's found theatre. We found it surprising at first because he can be so shy. I'm glad he enjoys it. While it is a sacrifice for me, he's been great about helping prepare meals or picking up more housework. (I'm trying to be better about refocusing my energy when I feel overwhelmed, too.)

Al received the lead in Harvey, coming out this winter. It's only a 12-man show--no pressure! He starts rehearsals in December.

Since all this craziness is consuming our lives, we're going to do the unthinkable! . . . The Christmas tree and some of the decorations will come out before Thanksgiving. (Cringe!) I typically start the Friday after and have it all up that evening. I do the tree fluffing, lights, and garland, while Al and the kids do the ornaments. This year, Al and the kids will have to help with the tree. I'll be able to do very little but provide instruction, hence the week needed to get the tree up. The kids are excited and Al hasn't complained . . .yet.

Today was chaotic and stressful. I started my first dose of a two-week cycle of prednisone in the last ditch attempt to get rid of the swelling in my hands. I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep tonight and that just isn't good because my mind will wander and I'll worry . . .

We met with Samantha's pediatric gastroenterologist today to discuss her chronic reflux and issues related to aspirating. Since 2010 I have charted that every summer she winds up with a bacterial infection in her lungs just days after swim lessons. We give her a high dose of prednisone for a few days and then taper along with antibiotics and a concoction of inhalers. Last year it was the worst yet and the poor kid started second grade on 60 mg of prednisone. She was an emotional wreck.

But it happened again this year like clockwork. Although we got on top of it within hours of the second cough, it still took three weeks to stop. And this time we noticed the prednisone had no effect, which meant there was something else going on.

Today the doctor politely said that we should have done an endoscopy three years ago. We were all hoping that Samantha would outgrow this, however. So next week we see an ENT to check her adenoids. And depending on what the ENT sees we will have an endoscopy within a few weeks with or without an adenoidectomy.

The results of the endoscopy will then determine if Samantha has to do a PH pump study and/or if she'll need surgery to tighten her esophageal sphincter.

It's all so scary. I don't even want to have my child put under for the endoscopy. But then if we can fix all this we may be able to get rid of the cases of Pulmicort, Xoponex, containers of steroids, and the bottles of antibiotics she takes every year. It could change her life . . . I have to keep that in perspective.

Bend

Tonight I'm trying compression gloves meant for arthritic hands. I can't seem to get the swelling under control. And I feel like it's going to my left hand now, although I don't think it's visible. Could my left hand feel sorry for my right?

The neurologist put me on an anti-inflammatory drug, which keeps the pain under control but does nothing for the swelling. So tomorrow I get to have a whole slew of blood tests to rule out hypothyroidism and rheumatoid arthritis.

I hope I bleed quickly.

NieNie

For Mother's Day I asked Al for a book titled "Heaven is Here." He thought it an odd request since he knew very little about the author, only that she was burned in a plan crash.

I found it fitting for my life. I've been reading the Nienie Dialogues on and off for a couple of years. But lately I've found so much inspiration in Stephanie's words. I look forward to reading her blog every day. What an amazing soul!

~~ * ~~

Lately I've been having a pity party some days and other's just downright blue. I've got what appears to be tendinitis in both of my wrists and hands. It's affecting just about every aspect of my life. And for those who know me, they know I love my job as an Editor and to paint, garden, and sew in my spare time.

For too long I worked through the pain or ignored it until the swelling didn't go away. (I ignored this for 6 months!) Suddenly I couldn't pin a piece of fabric or put a fork to my own mouth without wincing. And lately, as it's become worse, I'll stand at the kitchen sink after Al and Samantha have gone off to rehearsal and Alyssa is playing and I'll silently cry. Everyday tasks have become so challenging. Making dinner that includes cut up vegetables, gardening, and vacuuming have become impossible.

This weekend, I asked Al if he would mind trimming the tree with some direction from me. I'm usually the determined, get-it-done-now gal, but I've had to walk away from the things I enjoy and let them be. Can I just tell you how hard that is!

I'm learning, both at home and in my job, how to let go. It's difficult for me and sometimes I feel inadequate. But it's also humbling to realize how important and significant hands, feet, etc. are to our lives. Right now I'm leaning on Al and, thankfully, he's not resentful. After all, I've taken care of him too.

At some point every day lately I find myself on the brink of tears whether it's the pain or simply that I'd like to sweep the kitchen floor. My kids are learning to fold the laundry, clean the bathroom, and generally be helpful without complaint. And for them and Al, I am grateful.